WARNING: This Article May Contain Spoilers
Coulrophobia: The irrational fear of clowns. Now, I don’t think – as a child at least – this fear is that irrational: these guys are permanently smiling even when they aren’t happy! There’s a reason Stephen King decided to have Pennywise look like a clown people! They can terrify children. Even John Wayne Gacy dressed as clown, and I’m sure we all know what that guy was about. Well, for those of you like myself who don’t have this fear – maybe some of the below films might change that….
Clown Fear
I can see how this film could be considered as scary – but my issue is that the acting is so bad that it doesn’t come across as even remotely creepy let alone scary. I’ve seen B-movies with better acting. It feels like the only reason the majority of the cast are women was so that they could get a lot boob shots. Especially as, until about 20 minutes from the end of the film, none of what is going on in this little town directly affects the main characters. The worrying thing is, a clown religion actually wouldn’t be that surprising – especially as you can now put Jedi on the census as a religion.
Clowntergeist
I’ll be honest, the title of this film made me genuinely expect an absolutely cheesy piece of crap! However, I am happy to say that I was wrong. Now, that’s not saying the film is perfect but it gets the jump scares right, has some intensely creepy moments and uses the music to its advantage, especially as there are times that it sounds like squeaking balloons. I like the fact that it’s got a little bit of the One Missed Call idea where the victims know the time and date of their death. OK, there’s a little bit of an odd moment just before the clown attacks Jonah, and by odd I mean it came across as more of a zombie film for a moment, but other than that, this was surprisingly good.
Side Note: Prepare for unexpected twist…
Creepy Clowns
Like Clown Fear, I wouldn’t consider this film even remotely scary. It’s maybe a little bit weird considering the bad guy doesn’t actually realise what he’s doing because of his epileptic fits (yes, there’s a lot more to it than that but I do try not to say too much, even with the warning at the start). However, I’m not going to pretend that the mask the clown wears isn’t creepy so the title of the film is pretty apt in that respect.
Stitches
This film contains a wonderful mix of comedy and sinister moments. I think the comedy actually makes the rest of the film so much darker! I also like the fact that there’s no senseless violence, by this I mean, Stitches could just openly kill anyone at the party but instead it’s kept as a targeted attack – only the children from the original party are killed (except for the cat, not too sure what the cat did to upset him…) Now, that’s not saying I didn’t want Stitches to kill Dan – the prick boyfriend of Kate who Stitches is hunting – but I’m happy with the way film goes.
Crispy’s Curse
I don’t want to say that is better than Clown Fear and Creepy Clowns because it’s English but somehow we have a way of even making a weak plot come across better. The acting isn’t as terrible but, I’ll be honest, I don’t understand the point of the parts with Derek Acorah. They feel very non-sequitur and irrelevant until Alon Baptiste is introduced as an actual character later down the line. This film comedically dark but I’m not sure if it’s on purpose that certain parts are so funny – with the clown that is. Especially as I have no idea what type of accent the clown is supposed to have it keeps changing.
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I’m already a big fan of Rob Zombie’s films so I’ve been waiting a long time to watch this film. I think this may be one of the first times that his wife, Sherri Moon Zombie, plays a victim. I feel like Zombie has a rather twisted view on clowns, especially as the first one we meet is dressed as a Nazi and Sex-Head reminds me of Harley Quinn. I’ll be honest, the film isn’t exactly scary but it is definitely violent! I also love the ending, not only do they use ‘Dream On’ by Aerosmith (Sherri Moon Zombie’s choice) but it’s also not clear if Charly is going to survive…
