WARNING: This Article May Contain Spoilers
We all remember that 30 seconds of David Beckham in King Arthur right? Well, let’s just say that is the only thing I remember about the film. Unfortunately that didn’t seem to spark off much of a career in the film industry for him but he isn’t the first footballer to decide to step in to the world of the silver screen, take the amazing career Vinnie Jones has had for example (I hear the tapping of keyboards as people Google the fact he used to play football) and I’m sure he won’t be the last…
Kickboxer: Retaliation
Normally I really enjoy these types of films – full of fighting like The Raid but at least that had more of a story than just our lead character training up to fight one person. One person which I’m almost certain in real life he probably wouldn’t beat. Also, the slow-mos are just unnecessary. Now, I assumed that Ronaldinho would have had more than just a cameo role in this film, given that he actually has a character name, Ronaldo (not exactly a far cry from Ronaldinho there is it?) I guess I was right and wrong – he doesn’t have a single line but I would say a cameo normally pops up once and has very little interaction with the main character whereas Ronaldinho’s character is involved in some of Kurt’s training. OK, that comes in the form of him kicking a football at him rather than fighting as I might have hoped but it’s at least something.
Dead of Winter
It’s funny to think that John Carew, who stars as Robert in this film, is referred to firstly as a Norwegian actor when he had a footballing career that spanned 15 years but he has only starred in a maximum of 5 films! From what I could find, this seems to be the only film where he actually has a starring role – in Maleficent: Mistress of Evil and The Woman and the Sea he seems to only have cameos even smaller than that of Ronaldinho above. So much so I had to rewind one of the films because I had missed him. Proof of this being that he has lines from 10 minutes into the film. My only concern was that technically he was the token character in this film so had my suspicions but he may not last very long. Thankfully it turned out that I was wrong but when he survived the arrows and we barely saw him – I unfortunately became suspicious that he was involved. On that, I was right. His character of Robert is described as being the best climber in the group but he also seems to come across as the smartest. It is also made clear from the very introduction of his character that he has a feud with Bradik and Marcus.
The Kitchen
Being a football fan and a massive Arsenal fan, there was no way I would be able to write this article without mentioning this film and the amazing Ian Wright. The film barely gets started before you hear his unmistakable voice! I thought at first Ian was only going to be on-screen for about 30 seconds in his role as Lord Kitchener, some may have questioned the idea of referring to him as a “footballer on film” as he was going to be just a voice on the airwaves. Thankfully I was wrong. This being a dystopian film, I started with an inkling that he would have a character the likes of Big Brother in 1984 or Father in Equilibrium. Maybe not in the sense of a leader as such but more of that all-knowing being especially when it comes to his instructions regarding the delivery of food to The Kitchen. However, he simply has more of a radio DJ style character who becomes the voice of a revolution, pushing the residents of The Kitchen to rise up against those trying to take their home away. Weirdly, the moment he is attacked by the police – it reminded me a little of the scene in Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 when Cinna is beaten in front of Katniss.
Asterix and Obelix: The Middle Kingdom (Zlatan Ibrahimovic)
This is possibly the most badass introduction in the silliest film I’ve seen! But it also couldn’t be for a more fitting person. Zlatan plays Antivirus – the greatest soldier in Caesar’s army… so much so that Risklus is repeatedly told he isn’t good enough in comparison. Antivirus is introduced seemingly single-handedly obliterating Chinese armies and when he’s done – he is given the perfect line “you asked for Antivirus, I gave you Antivirus” and I’ll be honest, for those of you who know enough about Imbrahimov he may as well have just said “you ask for Zlatan, I gave you Zlatan”. From a badass entrance to a silly exit though – playing more into the fact that he’s a footballer, they decide to throw in the need for a substitution as Antivirus pulls his hamstring! There’s also a little Easter Egg in Antivirus’ uniform which took me a little while to be certain – he is the only one of Caesar’s army to be wearing a red and black striped tunic, a little nod to Zlatan’s time at AC Milan.
xXx: Return of Xander Cage
This, like Wrighty’s voice in The Kitchen, is an early appearance for a footballer in film. I think Neymar Jr is technically playing himself being recruited for the Triple-X programme. However, it also seems to be the shortest lived appearance so I very nearly turned the film off after the opening scene. I’m glad I didn’t because I actually forgotten quite how good a film it is but when the film stars Tony Jaa and Donnie Yen, you can’t really go wrong. However, because of the fact that Neymar Jr only appears at the beginning and end of the film – there isn’t really much that can be said about him other than he can kick a napkin holder just as well as he can kick a football. What this all means in the end is, much like Beckham’s appearance in King Arthur, Neymar Jr has absolutely no impact on the actual plot of the film so I guess the question is – why?
AKA
When you mention Eric Cantona to people, the first thing that pops into their heads is the kung-fu kick and his confusing excuse of seagulls. However, this man has the most established film career of all those mentioned in this article – both in Hollywood and in France – and it definitely shows. This film is his most recent addition to French cinema in the role of Victor Pastore, a gangster boss and Adam Franco’s best lead to his main target. For such an integral part of the plot, I feel like we don’t see him much throughout the film – the focus is mainly on Adam connecting with Victor’s men instead of Victor himself as the characters interact very little save for a couple of scenes. Also, and I’m still trying to work out if it was important or not, you get the feeling when you first meet him that Cantona’s character of Victor is ill but it is only verbally made reference to once.
